Guess I will start my blog again...
So many things to say but somehow I cannot find the words... As hard as I try, just can't find it...
Went for a walk today (could not run, guess I exceeded yesterday). It was cold and almost had my hands freezing... You crossed my mind again... So close, always with me... so far away... I wonder if I cross your mind sometimes...
With the cold, the wind and the sound of water I finally was able to let the tears go free... so many of them. Closed my eyes and could feel you catching every single one, felt your fingers playing with my hair, touching my face, my lips. Opened again and you were not there (as always)... How come I can feel you so close to me? Almost touching me? At the same time so far away apart...
I was talking with someone else yesterday, and he called my attention for something... the place I build for my little girl doesn't have a life... somehow that pissed me off... After I calmed down I realized that what made me mad was not the fact that he was right... but the fact that I didn't want to see it... I didn't realized... so I moved her... to our place... the place we met so many times before... Hope you help me with her...
Now, about him... He cativated me... just like myself... sometimes looks like I'm naked looking at myself in front of a mirror. I could seduce him... or let him seduce me... but somehow he matters to me... he is not just one more. Somehow, without asking me for, or without me realizing, he put all my barriers down... I don't need to hide or think what I will say... Maybe a little, because I don't want hurt him... Again, he matters more then he could imagine or realize it... It's like a piece of jewelry that I would lock inside myself and not let anyone to touch, afraid someone could break it. Very, very special. It was kind a surprise for me, specially because I was not looking for anything... all started with some pictures that called my attention... Sometimes he really push my buttoms and drive me nuts... He has nothing to gain or loose it... I almost can see you on him... Between us nothing should ever happen... One of us would hurt the other... He is so strong and at the same time so frigile, so dear to me... In the end I would hurt him... and I would not forgive myself. Guess I already did the choice...
The funny thing is that he is not my type at all... he is stubborn, he goes straight to the point, he hurts me, tell me that Im affraid to show myself, too full of himself. At the same time he is sweet, make me laught right after he makes me cry, and when he hurst me he is right there to catch me. I can see so much of myself on him... Hiding something, so afraid to let others see it... I ask myself if he knows that...
He tells me my eyes look empty... he could not be more wrong about that... you know very well all the fire inside me... So much that Im affraid to let it go... Guess he never saw me mad before... Never saw me when I lost control and can't hold it... Never saw my eyes changing color...
Until today, almost everyone mistake me for someone quite, sweet... So far, just 3 knows what I am made it of... What I have inside... And it will be this way...
For now, I will leave you (if I can, because I feel you so close to me... Almost touching me... Almost reaching me... So far away...)
Strange angel you gave me...
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